Friendly long posts, like my old ones.
Well, as much as I’ve curbed the urge to be dramatic. Anywhere.
Let’s just fire away so I can… well just get it out of my system.
This is difficult, the rational thing to do is to try and say ‘hey, be cool and wait’. But that’s just not going to work, if I don’t do anything then nothing will happen. Patience? What exactly am I waiting for? I have no clue in the slightest. Don’t you want to know at least? Of course I do. This has been playing on my mind well.. if I had to be honest ever since October 2009. That’s a long time.
The majority of my problems have been naturally because I’ve time and time again tried to mask and bury rather than simply forgetting, lying to myself. Simple cause of most of my issues. Even my career I put on hold to a certain extent.
Really, if I don’t say anything I’ll just end up like Forrest Gump, never ever letting go.
I’m perfectly content with everything right now, I’m happy. I have that car I love. I’m in a reasonable state right now. I have great friends. I’m getting fitter again. Starting to embrace the gym even if it has been for only a few weeks. My job is… it’s fantastic, if I don’t let it get to me. Fairly happy with the money that comes in. Studies are resuming in the exact way I dreamed.
If opportunity or dreams present themselves? Take them. These past 12 months… well the immediate thought is it was a massive reality check. It took me to all kinds of highs and terrible lows, whether that was romance, friendship, family or my very self. I’m very much the self driven individual I was before the 12 months actually kicked off, just I’m more wary, that I’ve got to keep that moral compass. Don’t dabble in your own hype and certainly, do not ever toy or harm others. Not their emotions or abilities. Being a sadistic manipulative wreck will not get me anywhere.
I mean look at how I’ve completely changed how I approach my anger, firstly it doesn’t flare up nearly as much and secondly it’s controlled much better. I must be a man of honesty and strength, a person who is noticed without himself acknowledging it.
I’m sorry to her and I’m sorry to my Dad, I’m sorry to my friends for having to deal with me and I’m sorry to Dôme for ever having to deal with my prickish behaviour. But that’s all fluff now, all I’ve got to do is get on with it.
I have one thing that has always bothered me, what I always think about and what negatively effects me when I try avoid confronting it. Won’t be able to beat all my issues, but tackling the one that affects me the most? When the Uni break arrives, it’ll happen. I promise myself right here.
There won’t be any expectations, but as a wise person once told me. Don’t wait for someone to tell you to GO, just stop when you’re told to STOP.
